Welcome back to my cursed article. Did everyone have a delightful summer? We’re only in the third full week of school, and I’m already behind on my sleep. This exact lack of sleep brings me to my first thought. Bear with me, as I may not be exactly coherent.

You’ve heard of intrusive thoughts, unwelcome and unpleasant ideas or images that can sometimes appear in your head. Most, if not all, of us have had such thoughts, but I have something similar. It’s more like, “Hey, maybe you should try to get more than four hours of sleep tonight,” but then I get the thought of, “But what if you live your entire life without ever experiencing a hallucination brought on by sleep deprivation?” Usually, this thought occurred during summer times, when I had little to no responsibility, but now that school has started up again, he’s back. He’s named Chaz. The other one, the boring one – or the voice of reason, depending on how you view it – should be named Frederick. (Thank you to Mrs. Kershaw for the fantastic names.) As of today, I have received twenty-seven hours of sleep within the past eight nights. Some people tell me this lack of sleep is unhealthy. The internet tells me this lack of sleep is unhealthy. Chaz tells me it’s cool.

Why do people automatically assume that certain names are short for others? I cannot tell how many times I have been called “Andrew” in elementary school and middle school. I assume it’s the same for people simply named “Bob” or “Rob.” How much they must suffer “Bobert” and “Robert.” Is it because people believe that I did not trust them with my full name when I told them my name? Did they believe I was lying? I remember one of the people at the daycare I used to attend when I was five or six tried to tell me my name was “Andrew.” How do you try to tell a child that they are wrong about their name? How can you possibly believe you are correct in the assumption that you, an adult who has known the child for under six months, know the child’s name better than they themselves do?

Who made the accordion? This last part is more of an afterthought, but who actually thought up of and made an accordion? Upon further research, by which I mean any research at all, the modern accordion as we know today was invented by Cyrillus Damian. However, it was originally created by Friedrich Buschmann, and it also did not have any keys on the side. What I’m most confused about, though, is that someone was just like, “You know what would be amazing? If we took some reed organs, put it inside something that you can squeeze, and then that’s our instrument.” Then comes Cyrillus Damian, “I like it, I like it, but I think it needs to be more piano.” I also find it quite unsettling that each compression of the bellows, the part with the reed organs, begins a new “attack” of notes. It’s not a specific term, but I still feel quite threatened.

Chaz has told me to remind you to not take me 100% seriously. Hopefully, with the weekend coming, I can get some much needed sleep. Last night, someone sent me an image of a face, and I swear on my life that its eyes moved for three seconds, looking around my room.