All right, have you ever donated blood before? Or maybe hair? What would happen if the person who received your donation left your DNA at a crime scene? Imagine your local police station showing up to your house to arrest you while you are busy rewatching The Office for the sixth time.

“Sir? Open the door, we need to talk to you.”

“(Opening the door wearing pajamas and speaking with your mouth full of Cheetos) What?”

“We need to take you in for questioning. We found some of your hair at a crime scene.”

“Later, I just found out that Pam is pregnant. Besides, I’ve been here in my house for the past three days; I had forgotten what the Sun looked like and I would like to avoid it in the future. ”

Why would the Devil torture you in hell? That makes no sense. Wouldn’t he be happy you were there? Wouldn’t it just be a giant party? (Side note: I have not used the word giant in a long time.) If he tortured you, it’d be highly hypocritical.

“So, you’re here because you lived a life of thievery and deception.”

“Just like you would! Did I do well?”

“Yeah, you were a pretty bad person. Now, follow me to where I’ll torture you for eternity.”

It would make a lot more sense if it were more like a party.

“So, you lied about whom ate the last baguette?”

“Yeah!”

“Dude, same! Want to have some fruit punch? The DJ is about to turn on the beats.”

If humans were able to asexually reproduce, wouldn’t we all look exactly like our parents? Our DNA would be identical, so our looks would also be identical, so we would all be the exact same person. Wouldn’t that be really weird?. Another question would be how would we asexually reproduce? Would people slowly start splitting into two, like bacteria? Or would we do something different. Would people just get pregnant on their own? Would people just start growing babies in their neck? Who knows?

What if plants were the top of the food chain? (Audrey 2 reference) There wouldn’t be any nice, calming walks in the forest. Walking through a forest would be terrifying. Literally everything around you would potentially try and eat you. The trees may be slow, but they are many. What you really need to worry about is Creeping Charlie. That stuff gets everywhere. If you stepped on a patch of it, it would slowly just start engulfing you. It’d get in your eyes, your nose,  and your mouth. It would consume you. It’d be the equivalent of a spider. It cocoons you up and slowly digests you. Another plant that would be terrifying is the Sunflower. It literally looks like a the Demogorgon from Stranger Things. They are incredibly lanky and would probably be fast. You’d be walking down your street when suddenly a slender shadow towers over you. You slowly turn around, dreading what you find, and see a sunflower. It would slowly reach down and carry you away while you are frozen in fright. Grass would probably be dangerous, but that’s why we have lawnmowers.

That’s all for this week, hope you enjoyed. Comment weird things below, if you’d like. I’ll see you next week.

Acknowledgements: Jamie Abbott, Dean Farwell, Cade Jackson. Thanks for the ideas.

Prepare for the Plantae Revolution.