Yes, I am serious here, Thanksgiving is the worst major holiday. In my humble opinion, it’s just the Diet Coke version of Christmas; bland, zero character, and overrated. Everyone talks about how delicious the food is, but maybe if they weren’t so lazy, they could just make it any day they would want, how about that? A nice roasted turkey can be an everyday meal, but nooooo, we only enjoy it on Thanksgiving. Also, what’s the deal with the turkey in the first place? For one, I don’t even eat turkey on Thanksgiving because turkey 90% of the time is dry and lifeless, a true disappointment at that. But why in God’s name is a feral, disgusting bird the national symbol of one of America’s most celebrated holidays? I get it, people eat them on the holiday, but why? Just why? It just doesn’t make any sense. You could eat any animal, and you choose turkey, and now working class families are shamed into eating it on the titular holiday? Also, Thanksgiving movies suck. On Christmas, and even Halloween for the matter, people sit down and enjoy a holiday film. Can you name one Thanksgiving film that’s even slightly competent? It’s a trick question, you can’t. When the best Thanksgiving film of all time is Free Birds, maybe it’s just not worth it anymore. I will say, Thanksgiving gives me an excuse to hang out with a few friends, because a Friendsgiving is a lot more enjoyable than Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a worthless excuse for tradition, and I don’t see a point in it. It’s bad, don’t celebrate it. If you do, I will find you.