Thoughts, Opinions, Gripes, & Grievances


Kian Pfannenstiel, Writer

Bathroom etiquette, though it may not be necessary for this school, is the topic of this article for the sole reason that it occurred to me a few minutes ago.

Let’s start with the stalls.

Don’t talk to other people in the stalls; you’re in the stalls to go, then to go — just like everyone else in there. Talking to people does two things:

  1. It makes others using the bathrooms uncomfortable.
  2. It makes things take longer to clear the tubes.

Both of these make going to the bathroom inconvenient overall, even for those uninvolved in the conversation. This includes talking on the phone. No one wants to listen in on your business calls while they’re already busy with their own business.

This one goes out to all of the guys reading this: urinal etiquette. If there are more than two urinals, keep an odd number of urinals between you and anyone else using the urinal. If you’re the first, however, keep yourself an even number of urinals away from the end. For instance, if there are three urinals, don’t take the middle one, because you are one away from the end. If you are to do any of the above, someone else who comes along will have to go next to someone, when his discomfort could have been lessened from not being forced to drain the main vein next to another. If there are walls or barriers between the urinals, it isn’t nearly as big of a deal. Don’t make eye contact, either. Or talk. You know, you should really just assume that you shouldn’t talk in the bathroom as a general rule.

That doesn’t compare to pulling your pants down completely if you’re using a urinal. Unless you are three, you shouldn’t be doing that. Ever. Under any circumstances.

One more courtesy that should be extended when at the standing stalls is refraining from using the urinal that’s ridiculously close to the floor. That urinal is there for a specific set of people, and those people are four-year-old children and dwarves. They aren’t tall enough for the other urinals, and that is there so that they have somewhere to relieve themselves. If you go take their urinal when you don’t need to, they have to wait for you, and if you used the urinal set high up so that you can use it, they don’t have to wait, because their urinal is open. If you need more convincing, I recommend you google “Brad Williams – Urinal.”

When at the sinks, don’t go getting water all over the vanity/counter/whatever it’s actually called. It’s really just a nuisance, but the lack of severity doesn’t really justify causing such a nuisance.

Don’t loiter. Loitering is creepy in the latrine, and a lot 0f other places, too. However, I’m not talking about other places, I’m just talking about the loo.

Otherwise, keep general courtesy to those who have to clean the bathroom. I promise they understand that bathrooms get dirty due to the nature of the call of nature, but they don’t want to clean out major dumps stuck in pipes underneath unnecessarily immense amounts of T.P., topped by paper towels, all garnished with your dirty underwear (if you wonder why that’s so specific, it might be because I’ve been on the receiving end of that). They also don’t want to clean any mystery fluids off the floor, or really anything that shouldn’t be in a bathroom.

All in all, just don’t be disruptive. Y’all are in there for the same thing.