Hot or Not: President Edition

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Jamie Hoxsey, Writer

Some presidents are hotties so I’m going to rank them with the top 5 hottest and top 5 ugliest.

Top 5 Uglies:

5.  Andrew Jackson

Ok he’s not like that ugly but his hair is gross like let it go please just shave your head if your hair looks like that.

4. James Buchanan

He looks like one of the scary drawings in a Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark book. On a purely aesthetical basis I’m glad he’s dead

3. Dwight D. Eisenhower

He looks like everyones farmer grandpa. If you don’t know him you are him. I don’t make the rules sorry…

2. John Tyler

I’m sure some boy on TikTok looks like this. He’s the guy that your friend would show you and be like “I promise he looks better in person” and he never does.

1. William Henry Harrison

If I need to explain this to you…you need therapy

Top 5 hotties:

5. Ulysses S. Grant

I don’t know how to say what I want to say without getting this like taken down, but Kian can deal with that… this man is [Redacted by the High Council].

4.  Rutherford Hayes

I mean if you’re into beards he’s not a bad choice at all. (This is the part where I realize its easier to find ugly presidents)

3. Calvin Coolidge

He looks like a soldier that the one girl from your hometown marries after knowing him for two weeks and even though its cringey like he’s not bad looking.

4. John F. Kennedy

No one is shocked everyone thinks hes hot. (He was hotter when he was young but, you know, can’t win them all.)

5. Abraham Lincoln

If you know me you aren’t surprised I had a crush on this man until I was like 8 and I understand that he’s low-key ugly but I think he’s a hottie and it’s my article, not yours.